A legacy of Love.

A Legacy of Love (last updated 19/8 - 10:24pm)

Chapter 1.

She couldn't do it again. She couldn't say goodbye again. Not after everything she had gone through. No. This time she'd have to walk away without saying it. She would take with her only the precious memories they had given her while she was here. She would forever be left with their legacy of love and the things they had taught her, perhaps the most important thing she had learnt in her life- how to love and to be loved in return.

Before this her life had been like an endless ocean. Filled with waves of ups and downs, an endless expanse, often with little direction. Sometimes her ocean was flooded with pain, but largely it became filled with the mundane busyness of everyday life. She had been afraid, afraid to love and afraid to be loved. Of course she understood that people cared for her, indeed some cared deeply. But Kaitlyn was afraid and could not accept or return that love. She was not usually like this, depressed, but then again – she had never had such a painful goodbye to say.

Kaitlyn shut her eyes tightly, hoping the tears wouldn't spill out. She believed that if she squeezed her eyes tight enough there would be nowhere for the tears to go and they would disappear. She still had the hardest part of it all left - actually leaving and saying goodbye. She had imagined it the whole time she was here, but now that it had come so near, she realized it would be harder than even her imagination had led her to believe. With this realisation years of uncertainty flooded back and peirced her soul like a knife.
"What will the future hold?", she whispered quietly into the night. She stared out the window as the tears slipped down her cheeks. The soft moonlight glow spread across the mountain in front of her. It was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. Her heart gave a sigh as she wondered whether this goodbye was more final than even she would admit to herself.
"Will I ever see you again?" A soft cry escaped her lips as she spoke to the closed door in front of her. She gazed back at the window at the dark navy sky. “Not now”, she whispered. “Not now, it’s so unfair. It’s too soon”, she cried out to God in her heart, but her words were barely audible, “too soon to say goodbye.”.

It had been a beautiful day, and now it had turned into an even more magnificent night. But a night filled with bittersweet. Kaitlyn winced at the pain she felt stabbing through her entire being, closing in around her heart. She hurt knowing all she had missed, and all she would miss after tomorrow. She hurt knowing that after tomorrow everyone’s life would go back to the way it was before she had come, before all this had happened, before she had come to know them, come to know herself. That is everyone’s life… except hers. She hurt knowing she was going to lose the people she had come to love - the people who had taught her to love.
Would they forget about her, she wondered. Would their lives carry on untouched as though she had never been there? She wished she could take the last weeks of her life and replay them over and over as though it were her favourite movie, her own fairytale. But wishing would get her nowhere. She knew her life had to go on. It had to go on without them. She had to let go.

She shut her eyes again, clenched her fists tight and buried her head against them. This time she let the tears flow. She let herself cry for years of hurt, and the loss she knew was to come. Things would never be the same. They never could. Not after these goodbyes. But especially not after all she had learnt.

~~~~~~

Helen closed her eyes and let out a sigh. What a precious time she had had with Kaitlyn these past few weeks. What a precious young woman she had turned out to be. She remembered back to her fears of whether she would enjoy herself here. She certainly needn't have worried. Her granddaughter loved every minute she was here.

She remembered back to when Kaitlyn had first arrived and how awestruck she was when the young woman stepped out of the car. She knew Kaitlyn would have grown up since she last saw her, but Helen wasn't prepared for the beautiful young woman who graced her that first day.

Helen let a small smile creep onto her face as she remembered watching Kaitlyn just that morning with young Abigail. She smiled at the way Kaitlyn swept the little Abigail into her arms after she had fallen on the ground. Kaitlyn gently brushed off the little girls knees, gave her a gentle kiss and whispered something into her ear which made her giggle. It was these little encounters that Helen would cherish the most once Kaitlyn had gone.

Helen remebered again back to that first day. Something had made her wonder about Kaitlyn. She was a beautiful girl, but she sensed that the girl was suffering a broken heart and spirit. It wasn’t something obvious, but it became obvious that Kaitlyn didn’t know how to cope with love. Although, as she had come to know Kaitlyn she could see the love the girl was desperate to show and indeed, the love she was desperate to be shown in return.

Helen closed her eyes and lay back on her pillow. She paused in her thoughts and looked at the door. Kaitlyn would leave tomorrow. It would be hard for all of them but Helen believed it would be the hardest for her dear granddaughter. She sighed quietly. It was too soon to say goodbye. With that thought, Helen prayed.
“God. You know your children intimately and you know their thoughts. Be with Kaitlyn. Please, dear God, protect her so we can meet again soon.”
“Yes My Daughter. I will. Her name is engraved in my hands, I will never let her go.”
Helen loved those moments, the moments when she felt God speaking to her soul. It felt almost loud enough that she was sure anyone would hear if they were in the same room as her. She rolled onto her side and settled down to go to sleep. She was tired and it would take all her strength to say goodbye to her granddaughter tomorrow.